|Just recycling. I have oddly found joy in recycling.|
I haven't written in over a year now. and this might be the most serious blog entry i have ever written. it's weird. i love blogging. but forgot that i did love it. i would blog a ton on graves when working in provo. I now have 14 followers. which is awesome. so thanks guys! but i moved to Logan on August 25th. I was so excited to live there. because for the past few years I wanted to live there.and every summer i came up to find housing. by the end of the day i never found anything. and on the way home i just felt like it wasn't the right time yet....for 3 freaking years in a row. Last year on Earth day I went up to celebrate with Lindsay Kindlespire. (Cause that is our holiday) Had THE BEST Earth day in our whole life. I carpooled with Celeste. We made recycled crafts. spent some time at Michael's. met Kari. my roommate in Logan and BECAME A TRUE AGGIE! it was AWESOME!! That is when i really started thinking about moving up there again. then a few weeks later I went back up to my friend Camille's farewell... and THAT is when i knew i was coming up here. And that it was the right time. made a list of pros and cons. (i know one of those) then in July i realized i really had no idea where i was going to live. so i talked to Kari about it. said that i was going to come up the next day to look for housing. and she was too. so i went up there. and it was only a couple of hours into we found the place. it was one we passed thinking... ew i do not want to live there. but we looked at them and we kind of really loved them. so we signed contracts. with Craig-the apt manager- on the stairs to the laundry room. should have known then that this place was sooo classy and organized. (sarcasm if you couldn't tell) and then i got my work figured out and transfered up to Logan. everything worked according to plan. I was really apprehensive about it after. even though i knew at that moment when everything worked out- quite smoothly actually- that it was time to go. i was just nervous. i had never lived more than 10 minutes away from my neices and nephews. and my best friends. i grew really close to the fellas at work. and these were the things i knew i would miss the most. so august 25th came along and i moved in. i thought that it was going to be so awesome because every time i went up there I would have the BEST time. but it wasn't. i didnt make friends right away like i though- and like i usually do ANYWHERE i went. (most of that was my fault cause I didn't go to church to make friends).
I did meet some neat amazing people. and some NOT so amazing people. And got closer to ones I already knew there. I had made one friend. we called him "Little Andrew" cause he was 19 years old. and came over all the time. (I just give people nicknames) and he actually was the biggest douche bag i had ever met. i freaking took him to my families Thanksgiving Dinner and he was rude to my cousin, my mom (only me and my siblings earned the right to do that) and hit on my cousin...and my brother...yeah...he turned out to be one of those. complained about everything. and he just made me mad the whole time. after that I was done with him. so we had to stop being friends with him. then I was left with no other friends which kind of really sucked.
I went home a ton. and was more depressed in my whole life than I ever thought i ever could be. I didn't want to be in Logan.- i realize now I never gave it a chance- and i just wanted to move home. One day in November I was just done. ready to get me the HELL out of here. and So I did a pros and cons list of staying in Logan. I only made it to Logan. I never got to make one for going back to Orem. And I knew for some reason I had to stay in this unhealthy environment I was putting myself in. I seriously was sooo miserable. one day. November 30th to be exact. I decided I knew I couldn't live with being so uhappy. So I had to make some difficult decisions. One. to go back to church. I knew that needed to be done. but I didn't quite want it. and to stay in Logan. and Be happy about it....and many other things. some things that was making me so unhappy and becoming problems. so I went back to church. and I couldn't sit still. nor could I pay attention. I was kind of disruptive. I couldn't help it. i am sure anyone who sat by me wanted to kill me. I laughed at any speaker that would say "um" or some dumb word like that over and over. and i feel bad for that. but i couldn't stop myself. But I had to get a ton of help from my bishop. he kind of thought it was funny that i couldn't sit still. but also knew the seriousness of me getting back to church. it wasn't until February when I started to fully get back into the swing of things. and truly wanted that. it was just filled with one amazing experience after another. I spent some time with my grandma (my Dad's mom) and learned some family history. Got to know her- more than the slobbery kiss that I got once a year at the Ross Christmas party. I got to know more positive things about this woman. And i really enjoyed it. i found out where i got my story telling skills from. My over extrapolation from. and Where i just get my touchy feely- want to hug you a million times. it was awesome getting to know her. And i miss her a lot. i was really sick my last 2 days. and i didn't get to say goodbye. and that was actually really hard on me. it was really nice to feel a grandmothers love again after my other grandma died 8 years ago.
I found myself while in Logan. I had no direction for a long time. and life was super hard. but I pulled through. I am still alive. and Living my life to the fullest. I have goals and look forward to each new day-most of the time.
"when you feel like giving up. remember why you held on for so long in the first place." that is a quote i had to remind myself of everyday.
the day I made the decision to move home was the day I remembered why I held on for so long in the first place. I remember going to my Aunt Shirlee's house and talking to her about how i was probably moving home. and thinking that if i did. i honestly didn't think i would miss anyone. and could care less if i ever saw Logan again. the next day I started to be reminded of the things I once loved.-through the help of my roommate madie-"wife" (kind of like you call someone sister. cousin. anything like that. that was our nickname for each other. don't ask where it came from because. we can't remember where it started) I think that is when we started becoming the best of friends. and glad i stayed to meet her and become so close. also when I actually started to tolerate being there. because we had so much in common. She became one of my most dearest friends. one that i will never forget and will be friends with for our whole lives. I remembered I loved making lists of random things. i remembered the music i once loved. and getting new music was something I always looked forward to. i loved laughing at everything. (not that i never laughed before. i just remembered that everything in this life is so dumb. and you just have to laugh at it.) just by being reminded of those few simple things. it made me realize that i have to make things better for myself. i was getting excited about earth day. one of my favorite days of the year. and I love celebrating lame/awesome holidays. so i decided that i was going to celebrate them. one night. on our many "Tuesday date nights" with "the wife" (it is just her nickname no worries) actually it was the last one before i moved back home. we watched The Office. we were watching "Secretaries Day" we loved it. and i said to her "Can we please celebrate Secretaries day like we celebrated Earth day?" she said yes. so i looked up when it was at 11:45 pm. IT WAS IN 15 MINUTES!! we had to celebrate. so. we did. we made each other cards. it was the best! The next day was my last night there. we hung out with "the boyfriends" they just act they are married. their nicknames went from the boys-the guys-the fellas-to the boyfriends in one day. then by the end of the day. we talked about them like they were our boyfriends. it was awesome. we loved it and so did they! there were many a mysteries at Aspen Cove. Shawn. the gothic (I can't believe i never came up with a nickname for him) kid that would only come over when he was drunk. it was amusing at first. then. he over stayed his welcome. everytime. the downstairs neighbors did not associate with anyone. and we swore one was a "tweaker" and so yes. just in case you were wondering. we call him that. I met a cousin i had no idea about that was my neighbor. we called her "cousin" for obvious reasons. cousin also had a mysterious roommate. no one really knew who she was. but the other building has other quite mysterious odd people.
I got to also spend time with cousins. and i really treasured those moments. Becky and Justin and I became very close. they were like my siblings more than my cousins. and their kids were more of my nephews and niece more than cousins. and it was nice to have the substitutes.
But in the midst of it all. I met some great people that made my experiences the best. I am honestly happier than i ever have been in my ENTIRE life. and that feels really good to say that. I miss Logan everyday. and want to go back. but my friends I made aren't going to be there this summer. so there really is no point of me being there.
|Madie (wife) and Mike (half of the boyfriends) on Earth Day! April 22nd. best. day. ever.|